New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i now understand why vodka
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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