a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
