Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
