Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
this hospital has no fireball
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
