I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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