On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You took a bar mat shot.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
