i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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