Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
