why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
