remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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