I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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