how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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