I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
