but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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