I can tuck mytits in my pants
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
