We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
