i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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