my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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