i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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