So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
3pm strippers are depressing
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
