she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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