And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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