Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
