im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
