Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
