im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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