I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
