Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
