Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
