I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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