That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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