Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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