A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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