i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
