New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
