I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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