So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
