so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
