he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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