you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
