i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
