i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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