paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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