i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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