If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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