My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
