so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
