You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
