just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
