Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sponge bath it is.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
