So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
