My first STD was from a foam party
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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