its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
