Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
