You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He did a backflip because drugs
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