yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
