I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I need a burrito and a hug.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
