ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
