After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
