It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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