we're blogging at a bar
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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