Sponge bath it is.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
