I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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