My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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