She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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