Cold hands, warm shart.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
