I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
