so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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