wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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