Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
